Top 10 Tips for a Cool, Boundaries-Boosted Thanksgiving for Families on and off the Autism Spectrum
- The Savants
- November 25, 2024
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to feel like navigating a minefield of stuffing wars, awkward political debates, unhinged plus ones, or that story about the time you peed your pants at Chuck E. Cheese. With some humor, sensory savviness, and a solid plan, you can host or attend with your chill intact. Bonus? Codeword magic to escape gracefully when the gravy starts spilling (literally or figuratively).
Here’s your Savants guide to keeping things cool, calm, and pie-filled (with whipped cream on top or on the side, of course).
1. Prep a Codeword for Easy Ejects
The ultimate family hack: pick a codeword that’s subtle but hilarious. Try, “Sweet potato pie,” “Marshmallows,” or even, “I’m thinking about that gravy I left in the car.” The trick is to make it sound like a genuine distraction while signaling eject from awkward conversations.
Example: Uncle Joe starts talking about how Minecraft is “ruining kids’ brains.” Drop, “Hey, do we have more marshmallows?” and quietly head to the kitchen.
2. Be the MVP of Redirection
When someone starts bringing up politics or “what causes autism,” pivot faster than Mike Tyson in the ring. Say something like, “Wow, this turkey is a knockout, right? Like, Tyson-level knockout… did you catch that fight with Jake Paul???” and serve yourself another slice of pie. Humor wins.
3. Establish a “Turkey Timeout” Zone
Create a sensory-safe hangout space where anyone can escape for some quiet time. Call it the “Turkey Timeout” and make it cozy—think blankets, safe-food snacks, a pre-packed backpack with a few of their favorite things (tablets, headphones, workbooks, fidget toys), and maybe a pillow fortress with piled-up coats in the guest bedroom to keep things chill for our neurodiverse crowd.
4. Diffuse Over-Served Moments with Pie Strategy
When the drinks start flowing and Aunt Phyllis gets too real, deploy your escape plan: “Did anyone try the Orange-buttermilk chess pie yet? I think I need another piece to confirm it’s as good as I thought.” You’re out without confrontation, pie in hand.
5. Build in Brain Breaks for Yourself (and Your Kids)
Keep transitions smooth by planning sensory breaks for everyone. Volunteer to “go get more half and half” at Kroger’s. If you’re stuck, a quick trip to the porch or the kitchen to “check on the rolls” can work wonders. If anyone questions it, just say, “I’m on pie patrol!” Or put on those AirPods and go for a 10-minute walk around the neighborhood with the kids before the big sit-down.
6. Handle Throwback Drama Like a Pro
When someone inevitably brings up that thing from the past—like how you forgot to bring the stuffing in 2008 or that one prom dress incident—don’t engage. Smile and say, “Speaking of the past, remember that time we fried the turkey and burned the porch down? So glad we catered this year and nothing’s on fire. Who wants pie?” Deflect, deflect, deflect!
7. Keep the Menu Sensory-Friendly
Not everyone loves complex Thanksgiving dishes (or when the food on their plate is touching), and that’s okay. Also, there are a lot of smells going on, and that can be intense. Offer people to dish out their own plate how they like it. Have a few simple, familiar options on hand like plain mashed potatoes or turkey sans seasoning. Not everybody likes gravy smothered over everything!
8. Build a Plan, Not a Problem
When the tension rises, redirect with something like, “Alright, let’s strategize how we’re gonna eat all this without slipping into a turkey coma—and still leave room for dessert!” Done. No drama, just priorities.
9. Football Is Your Escape Hatch
Thanksgiving + football = built-in conversation breaks. When the topics get dicey, try, “What’s the score again?” or “Uncle Todd, can you explain to the kids how a field goal works?” Football fans will engage, and everyone else will get distracted. And to those who have no idea what’s going on in the world of sports… football pants have always been a weakness for me, am I right?
10. Finish with a Laugh, Not Leftovers
When the evening winds down, aim for a comedic high note to take the edge off any incidents. Say, “Whoever destroyed the guest bathroom owes us a pie! 🤢” Laughter beats leftover drama every time.
Thanksgiving should be about pie, not politics; football, not fights; and turkey, not tension. With a little humor, a great codeword, and a pie-based exit strategy, you’ll make it through the day like the champ you are.
What’s your codeword? 👇